i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
