remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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