So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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