if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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