I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
