So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
