it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
