I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
