if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
