Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
