oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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