All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
