sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
