all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
