don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
