Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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