He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
