Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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