At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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