fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
