Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
MIDGETS
????
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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