Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
