how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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