I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
