I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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