everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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