thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
