I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
