Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
