you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
