Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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