I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
