I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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