Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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