If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
...so i touched it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
