I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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