the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
