I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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