I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
