Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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