Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize