he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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