I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
