You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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