You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
