our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
