I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
