Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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