Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
