did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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