hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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