If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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