maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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