I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
