When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
