someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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