new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
