Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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