i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
