Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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