The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
