Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
