I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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