Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
