when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
