you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
