honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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