did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
