i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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