the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
