I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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