the condom got lost in my hair
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize