I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
