I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
