and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
