her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
